we control the vertical, we control the horizontal

There is something I should clarify.

I've written a lot about the punk and hardcore communities, but I don't want anyone to think that I consider them perfect little worlds.  There are stupid people in both--sexism in hardcore, for instance, is a persistent issue.  But we're rebellious and working on it.  We want something better from the world and have decided not to sit around and hope we can elect someone who will do it for us.  We're making a better world for ourselves--that's the point.  I don't delve into the issues of punk and hardcore because I know most of you don't care.

There are also two kinds of hardcore scenes.  The first is young men who are probably on steroids writing terrible, chuggy music that glorifies violence, homophobia and other bad stuff.  As far as I'm concerned what I participate has nothing to do with those bands or individuals.  I don't respect them at all and don't want to associate with them.

The other kind, or 'real' hardcore for the purists, is diverse in style (within reason) and participants.  More nice people.  The problem is, when most people think of my subculture, they think of the first kind since it's better known.  Please, try not to.

Also, why do I write about this so much?  Well, not only is it a huge part of my life, it's also something fairly unique that I can bring to the UBBT table.  We all know how great the martial arts are: that's why we're here.  In talking about my loud music, I'm trying to show the impact its had on my life as well as further demonstrate the power of a real community. 

i may burn this all down if gas goes below fifty cents

I was in Vancouver this past week visiting friends and have two pieces of advice.  First, Excellent Sushi downtown on Granville St.  22 rolls for five dollars.  Secondly, go to Uncle Fatih's Pizza right outside the Commercial drive Skytrain station and order a slice of potato pizza.  It'll change your life.

I've also revised some of my opinion on buying used.  While I still love the idea, I've decided it's more ethical to buy DIY goods new.  By DIY I mean a t-shirt/record from the band who are struggling to eat while on tour or a lovingly crafted piece of art or zine (not that anyone charges for zines).  The whole point of buying used is to not buy (ha, ha) into the corporate mentality--the consumer treadmill I talked about in my last post, and I feel a good way to resist that is to support those who are trying to do what they love outside of the corporate mainstream.

This have gotten me thinking quite a bit about what I buy into on a daily basis.  As most of you know, I consider myself in subculture of hardcore, but what does that mean?  Most of my close friends are punk/hardcore types, I go to shows, listen to the music, consider and discuss ideas that come out of hardcore,  have ideas about what my subculture should look like--all sorts of neat stuff.

But I still am sitting in my house in Edmonton.  I'm still a privileged Northern citizen with a car (well, kind of) and disposable income.  More importantly, I participate in this culture.  The question one of my Vancouver friends raised is: why should I?  

Why should I count myself as part of a culture that tells me that I have to be rich to be happy?  That tells me that I'm somehow better because I'm male and white, somehow worse because I'm young?  Why should I bother with something that wants me to beg at the feet of politicians for any real change?  That tries to make me profit off the backs of third world labourers all while dulling my brain on cotton candy entertainment?  Why should I let this culture take my power away?

In the UBBT we talk a lot about changing the world.  I think I've got a different view on it, that too many are settled with the way things are and we aren't going to wake enough of them up.  In order to truly change the world there would have to be such massive economic and class restructuring that we would lose the lives we're used to.  And we're comfortable with the power structure, because the middle class of North America or Europe are pretty near to the top.  At some point we sold our true power as individuals for the shirts in our closets and the trappings of a modern life, for some, are too good to give up.

But a subculture (in the real sense, not the I shop at Hot Topic because no one understands me sense) can let me help create a space away from the mainstream where I do have power as an individual.  That's what I want: for people to reject the mainstream and recreate the world as they wish.  For example, I don't think racism can ever really be overcome--despite the colour of a president's skin.  There are still many racist individuals and institutions out there.  The best thing would be to change their minds--I doubt that'll happen.  In my view, they can just go off and be racist by themselves, if they wish to act like that then they aren't welcome in the culture I want. 

Now you all don't have to go about this as angrily as I am.  You can, of course--a good way to start some sort of rude gesture at a Wal-Mart.  Anyway, the subculture of martial artists has great power to redefine our worlds.  The UBBT is perfect for this, especially because self-improvement is a key step in this process.  But please, my fellow UBBT team members, recognize that a big chunk of our society is against us in this endeavor of changing the world, that our culture is in fact built to resist any positive change.  So instead maybe we should kind of start fresh, while encouraging people to do the same.  Let's take our power, starting with the power we hold over ourselves. 

Writing this got me pretty worked up but I have to go back to studying latin.  Get ready for some super intense verb conjugations!

the path to enlightenment now comes in a plastic bag (2/10)

I spend most of the winter holiday season trying to enjoying the time off with my family and friends.  It's difficult for me because this is the time of year where the horrific consumerism of our world comes flying at everyone full throttle.  Every time I see a Hummer idling in the parking lot of a toy store I get a little nuts.  Not slash their tires nuts, but I certainly am not happy with the way things are.

The dream of a industrialized family seems to be unending comfort--being rich enough to worry about things that don't matter.  This time of year reminds me mostly of how immature and trivial people need to be in order to participate in consumerism.  The treadmill of always buying the latest version is shocking in its waste and unerring message that "if you really loved your family, you need to spend more money."  

Forget that.  As part of my UBBT, I am buying nothing new (besides the obvious exception of food and other things that don't come used--like underwear).  Now, I accidently bought something new around three weeks ago (I wasn't paying attention and thought I was buying it used, which is stupid of me), but otherwise have been good.  In conjunction with this, I am trying to cut severely down on my spending--because most of the crap we buy we neither need nor really want.  There is a gaping maw in all of us--call it ennui, malaise, or plain boredom.  Many just buy silly crap in order to distract themselves from an empty life.  But others lead a full life.  So kill your television, don't set foot in West Ed this season, spend time with your friends and practice your heart out because even I have figured out that's what matters.

Which leads me to my second living hero.  Thomas Pynchon is the author of several books, including my all time favourite: The Crying of Lot 49.  His works have been called 'hysterical realism' and are dense and complex as well as very funny.  While Lot 49 is a short, intense book, his most well known novel, Gravity's Rainbow is a sprawling epic of headache proportions.  He has won several prestigious awards, including the National Book award and nearly the Pulitzer (the jury unanimously recommended it but the Pulitzer board rejected them and no prize was awarded).  

He has also never accepted these awards in person--for the National Book award he hired a comedian to pretend to be him, it's pretty funny.  There are very few photos of him and he has pretty much avoided any contact with journalists for the past forty years.  I'm sure the guy is a bit shy and reclusive and I don't recommend this sort of life.  After all, he has the means to have a decent chunk of the world listen to him and chooses not to, which is a waste considering the power of ideas.  But there is something else in that reclusiveness.

In the primped up, self-important and overly romanticised world of literature, Pynchon rejects the glamour of being an author.  Now I could be wrong about this, he just might be shy but still have a shrine to himself in his house, but it at least seems like he doesn't want to win awards or go on talk shows, but rather write.  That's what I like and that's an important lesson.  Strut around telling everyone you've got a black, brown or whatever coloured belt and you will end up in trouble.  Get in a hissy fit because you think your martial art is the best (if you're curious what I mean, venture out on to the wasteland of the internet and see) and you will be contributing to some of the major problems facing the martial arts today.

But if you practice and never forget the love of just studying kung fu, if you can find as much enjoyment in countless reps of kempo as a flying spinning kick--then you'll have caught on to both my points. 

i bet the queen of england has no friends

My roommates have started reading this blog--so hello there roommates.  I wasn't comfortable with them doing so, it took a fair bit of persistence for them to get the address out of me.  In retrospect, I'm not entirely sure why I was so resistant to them reading this--it's hardly like I'm not proud of what I write here.

Firstly, I don't exactly like the idea of having a blog.  Most blogs are just self-absorbed navel gazing and I was worried that I would fall into that trap, thinking that for some reason the internet needs to hear about my day.  But snobbery aside, I feel somehow that my private and kung fu lives should be separate.  I'm perfectly willing to talk someone's ear off about kung fu or write a blog posting about philosophy or music I like, but it seems to me that somehow Graham (hey, guess what--that's my name) and Sifu Robertson are two different people.   

A good example of this is my heroes posting about Adam Morton.  One of my roommates noted that I didn't include any sort of criticism or cons about professor Morton, which is a good point.  Now, I doubt any students or black belts would have felt comfortable with that.  There's a supposition of authority as a black belt, I'm supposed to know what I'm talking about.  But to my friends, I'm just myself--free to make mistakes, etc.  Do my friends challenge me to improve by not knowing me thourgh my status/accomplishments?  Or by forefronting my position, does it carry a responsibility to blog the best I can?

Heh, I bet you were all expecting me to answer that question.

i'm pretending it's sunday so this counts as last week's entry

Lately I've been thinking a lot about unobservables, which is completely a noun. They're a hot topic in the philosophy of science, because it's actually kind of hard to tell whether some very tiny things exist.

Take neutrinos for instance, which are a type of particle that are streaming through your body right now with no effect. They in fact can go through a mile of lead without reacting to it. But they are involved in some stuff, such as solar flares. Detecting them involves (I'm not kidding) a gigantic vat of cleaning fluid buried underground becoming slightly radioactive over time.

But what if neutrinos don't exist and this indirect observation of them is caused by something else? It's perfectly plausible: since you can't just point to a neutrino, maybe they're imaginary. Now, one obvious answer is to point to the success of science at this sort of thing. Scientists are pretty good at predicting phenomena they can't observe--only to have it confirmed later when the technology advances.

Another argument is to simply ask why we should care if neutrinos exist. All we should talk about is if this theory is useful at making predictions and such. It doesn't matter, in a sense, what these unobservable things are. Those of you playing along at home might be thinking to yourself: "hmm, isn't there something at kung fu we can't observe, but prove through its effects?"

Well good job, rhetorical device! We have, of course, chi. I know some people are uncomfortable with, or at least sceptical of, the concept of a mysterious energy (characterised by some sources a breath) that pervades all living things and the earth. But the wacky stuff that many of us are capable of and the utterly mind-blowing feats performed by masters around the world should at least let you know that something is going on.

If you're not sure what it is and don't like that fact, just relax, maybe chi exists, or perhaps it's neutrinos that gives people strength without using their muscles. Point is, whatever causes these things is, well, causing it—so calling it chi can be seen as a handy marker.

Not a very funny entry. I'll try and liven it up:
Tom was brushing his teeth one morning when he bumped into the sink. "Oh no, I've knocked over my toothpaste!" He said, crestfallen.

oi oi oi vs iss iss iss

Hey, look at that: blogging on a Sunday. I feel like I should go get streamers or something.

So I was talking with my roommate when a mutual acquaintance was mentioned. "Hey," he said, "did you know she used to be a neo-nazi?" Those kinds of people do exist in this city. While their community is (thankfully) not thriving like it is in Calgary, they are around. Going to punk and hardcore shows I occasionally see white power types, though not so much anymore--I'll get back to that later.

Apparently this girl, who I might add is a very sweet and gentle person nowadays, doesn't like to mention her past. When my roommate was at the beach with her and several people she kept her shirt on over a swimsuit, only taking it off to go swimming and then putting it immediately back on. That's when he noticed she had a few...unsavory tattoos, including a 1488--which is connected to a very nasty pledge regarding white power (14 words, 88 letters). When he asked her about it, she blushed and said, basically, "I was 14 and influenced by the wrong people, and I've kept these as a reminder to think for myself".

I have a little theory that everyone is an idiot until they hit around 17 or 18. Myself, your mom and Neil Armstrong included. At 14 we are all obsessed with being liked and finding some identity we can call our own. If I had happened to hang around some older kids at 14, 'cool' ones who made me feel liked, perhaps I would've ended up with a swastika on my shoulder. But I didn't, even at around that age I at least had an idea about critical and positive thinking.

Now, my parents--what with all their good, um, parenting--obviously had a huge influence on me, but once you become a dumb teenager their advice doesn't seem that great, plus you hardly see them: you're at school, or a friend's, or holed up in your room. It's also important to note that it's not like I wasn't directly exposed to that sort of discourse like many kids. I decided it was a bad idea because of two things: kung fu and loud music.

I said before that I hardly see neo-nazis at hardcore shows anymore. Why? Because we forced them out, told them they weren't welcome. When they got violent (as racism is, fundamentally, violent) we stood our ground and let them know we were not afraid. We didn't accept that hatred and violence at our shows, especially because of the community's diversity. In conjunction with an group of people formerly known as the 780 Anti-Violence Coalition, the hardcore scene is now one of the safest and accepting musical communities in the city. Punk and hardcore are about empowerment, making your own choices. They're also about resistance, not accepting the status quo, such as the polite racism that pervades many aspects of modern society. The best way to do this, we feel, is to create safe spaces where people, usually young ones, can thrive.

Most kids who self-identify as punk, or even regularly listen to the genre, are not popular. It may be by choice or accident, but they aren't-- and when you're in high school and stupid it seems to matter, even a little. I know kids in the scene who come from dysfunctional homes, some bordering on horrific. There are a large section of teenagers who don't feel wanted and if they fall in with the wrong crowd they go along with it. Gang violence is essentially the same thing. But this music, through its lyrics, activism and communities tell a different story: one where things like racism can be overcome, or at least shut out. More importantly, it also communicates an empowerment, allowing people to become who they want to be.

At Silent River it was more explicit. Since I was thirteen I've gone to that place 2-4 times a week to be told that I can achieve any goal and make whatever of myself I want to as long as I follow through. I get to be around other people who are incredibly positive because they know the value of their kung fu. In essence, I get to see and experience self-determination in action: people thinking for themselves and deciding their lives.

Joe Strummer and Dave Weinberg taught me to never stop questioning or shut up, to never sit down just because someone told me to and to respect everyone. Master Brinker taught me to always move forward, learn from anyone I meet, and walk whichever walk I say I will.

Because of that I don't have any racist tattoos. Oh, plus I was terminally broke as a teenager, so even I had been a neo-nazi I probably couldn't have afforded it. The first reason is a little more inspiring.

(anyone who knows who dave weinburg is without resorting to google gets 5000 graham points--save up a million and you can redeem them for a pony)

so unspooky

I posted this over at Silent River's digital Kwoon, then forget to paste it here. Whoops. Keep in mind this was supposed to be on Friday.

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I just remembered it was hallowe'en. I definitely knew this morning because I saw some people in costume, but the fact that I can get so absorbed in my studies in the span of 4 hours I forget is quite something.

Schoolwork over that past two weeks has been different. I've always worked fairly hard, but the decision to go to grad school has given me new found purpose. For the past two weeks, when I wasn't at kung fu I was studying at school, usually only coming home at 10 o'clock. But I feel so energised. When I'm slacking off is actually when I feel less relaxed, because I know I have no reason for it. But just losing myself in the things that interest me most, especially when I do it with focus and direction, gives me this deep sense of satisfaction that makes me appreciate what I can do.

This has got to be one of the most positive blog entries I've done. I should try balancing it out.

...after a few minutes on google I found a website called 'The Saddest Thing', where people submit things that are really sad. Go find it, read the top ten, then thank me for RUINING YOUR WEEK.