with apologies to albert.

So last week was not much of a week.  I mean, it existed--time passed at one second per second.  But I slacked off, and became bored because of it.  But I'm back on the horse.    

It seems to me that restlessness often serves me better than discipline.  Another way to think about this is that on some mornings I manage to get up mostly out of spite.  

graham vs. poor methods of belief formation

It occurs to me that I've complained too much about marking this past week.  I often grumble about it, but this time around I'm doing it much more than usual.  And to be honest, it's perfectly justified.

Wait--perhaps I'll give some context.  

You all know that I TA philosophy, which involves both running small class sessions (tutorials) but also marking.  Most of you can probably guess the difficulties that arise from having a bunch of first or second year students try to write decent papers.  This is compounded by the fact that many students have the unfounded idea that philosophy is easy: so they don't try very hard and then sit in my office complaining when they get a poor grade.  But that's a story for another time: the point is, marking papers is often a frustrating endeavor be cause at least 2/3rds of the students don't care.  And since I care, it's disappointing.  Two of the greatest treasures that belong to humanity are language and reasoning--one can only seem them butchered so many times. 

This semester, however, I'm teaching intro ethics.  How to think about morality.  What I've discovered is that most of my students don't do very much thinking about the subject.  My experience is that the majority of students who couldn't even conceive of turning these powerful tools of analysis onto themselves.  Everyone has their biases and manages to simultaneously acknowledge their existence while rationalizing away their presence.    

We're supposed to be discussing big ideas: concepts and debates that effect our daily lives!  I'm not asking for excitement, but merely appreciating the gravity of a question like capital punishment. Instead I have the next generation of middle management staring back at me.      

There of course exists glimmers of hope.  One is the students who care--most won't become philosophers but there are a handful of students in every class who are actually striving to be engaged, thinking humans.  The second is the possibility that if I hammer away enough, I can at least make a small crack in the wall of unreason and apathy I'm confronted with most days.  

I should relate this to training so I don't simply sound like I'm venting.

 If the goal of the I Ho Chaun is not only to become better martial artists but also engaged humans, the scope of such a project is intimidating.  Because the difficulty and importance of such an endeavour goes all the way down.

In many ways, the reasons we have for holding a belief often matter more than the belief itself.  This is because we tend to think of our reasoning process as static: it's hard to imagine oneself absent the beliefs and principles we each hold dear.  But the reality is we are all wrong about some things, and we could be wrong about pretty much everything: our particular moralities, our faiths, whatever.  I'm not saying that everything is merely opinion: I'm affirming the opposite.  Each individual person, however, has flaws in their belief structure.  Correcting those flaws takes a lifetime.  There are few fixed truths in the world, but since we have the displeasure of dealing with it, best to plunge on with that in mind.  

no news is all news

I forgot to post yesterday!  Welp, off to a good start.

This week has been uneventful: training so often is still an adjustment, but every day the routine solidifies slightly more.

Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to say later on this week.  Due to a vacation to sunny Edmonton, I'm falling behind a little on my numbers.  But that will just mean a fun week or two catching up again.

Re-beginning

Oh hey look: I'm back. Back at training and in the I Ho Chaun. It feels...proper. Walking into Silent River in December was a visceral reminder of what I have missed over the past year. So now holding a spear is like coming home.

 For those of you who don't know me, I'm Sifu Robertson: errant black belt based out of Vancouver. I'm currently working on my Master's in Philosophy with an eye on academia. I drink too much coffee.

 Unlike everyone else on the team, I don't have much to say about the banquet on account of not being there. But congratulations to the new Sifus and a happy new year to everyone.

 I'm not going to talk much about my first week, I'd rather just post my requirements and not take up too much space. Suffice to say it's going well. I've been (more or less) sticking to my requirements since the beginning of January, but as the semester wears on my patience will be tried. Starting Muay Thai is helping to maintain my focus: being in a class environment does wonders. Anyways, onto the list. Expect more in this coming week.

UBBT 9: TEST HARDER
Core Requirements
No quitting!
      I should hope so.
50,000 pushups and situps
     Situps can be different variations to maximize impact Journal once a week
1000 reps of Mlong Kuen and an original Spear form
       Initially some reps will include piecing together the original form.
1609 Km of biking/running/equivalent
Record 1000 acts of kindness 
      Bah humbug. I intend to be very mindful of this. I strive to be kind and stick to my moral       convictions, but I'm also not a particularly pleasant person. I want to record actual kindness, not simply the veneer of sociability.
Mend a relationship
 This may be a tough one. Most relationships that are broken are for a reason. But it is an important step to take.
 Maintain an online presence
 This will be vital for me. I'll talk about it more later, but I recognize that staying connected with the school is the key to my training.
Memorize and recite Mastery
Participate in SRKF Projects 
While I can't directly participate in something like the kwoon maintenance, I intend to help out with logistics and similar manners.
Grading day and a public performance at the 2013 Chinese New Year


Additional Requirements 
224 reps of other forms
     Obviously I simply can't only do my core forms. I have a rotating list of 2-3 forms (including the core weapon forms) which I will do every day.
365 teps of Tai Chi This translates to 1 or 2 sections of the long form per day.
85% attendance in Muay Thai 
     Part of my training this year will include training in another martial art to help me stay focused, but one that will also not interfere with my Kung Fu. A style like Muay Thai is ideal, as it will provide me with much practice in my core skills. Therefore, I should probably go.
 365 hours of personal intellectual growth
 The bulk of this will be reading: including philosophy which is relevant to my personal interests/projects and fiction I find particularly stirring or interesting. I expect this to be around 2 or 3 books a week. Furthermore, some of this will include writing or revising papers which are wholly original philosophy. To me, this is the most important of my personal requirements; my development as a thinker is equally important to me as my growth as a martial artist.
Write at least 2 professional level papers
   It should come at no surprise that trying to philosophize at the professional level is very difficult, especially considering I'm just starting out. But I want to write at least 2 papers this year which engage in current conversations and have been given the amount of research and thought expected of real philosophy. One of these can (and probably will be) my 'professional project' that is already a part of my program.
200 hours of writing
  Turns out if you work at something it gets finished.  Which brings me too...
Finish the book
 Writing it, not reading.
Volunteer once a week 
As I can't directly take part in community projects of Silent River's, I should maintain a constant community involvement.
Don't sacrifice quality of teaching
 As a T.A. it can be easy to slack. I've noticed plenty of people who do. But my commitment to excellent teaching this semester clearly had an impact: the average of my sections was slightly higher and I had several students thank me once the class was done. It would be too easy to skim when marking or not adequately prepare for tutorial. I don't intend to do that.
Develop a basic grasp of another language 
 This won't start until the summer. It will probably be German. Once I actually start learning, I intend to update this with more specific, daily requirements.

So there it is.  Let's see what happens.
Sifu Robertson

absent without going anywhere

no excuses over here.

MY FATHER BLEEDS HISTORY

History, or at least historical consciousness,is a terrible gravity. My mind reaches back and sees this thing, this weight called capital H History. Thousands of events, millions of lives. That one crossing of the Rubicon we call important. The founding of countries. The Holocaust and the Trail of Tears. And I hit a blank. I can't really conceive of these. I suffocate under it all.

The millions of things happening right now and the paths we've all taken.

How can I possibly imagine what is what like to be a Tutsi in 1994 Rwanada, to be butchered by my neighbours? How can anyone who was even there truly appreciate the scope of it? I try think of mass graves and 800,000 dead people but I just can't. It's too much, my brain shuts down. The complexity of the lives in front of me is already dizzying enough. Grafting that reality onto everyone? To function in the day to day is to ignore the true implications of our shared experiences.

I can't come to terms with our species. I can't grapple with our history, and I can't stand up to our pasts.

titles are for chumps

This. Go watch this.

It's a movie called The King of Kong: a Fistful of Quarters. It's about Steve Wiebe's quest to set the world record for the highest score in the original 1981 Donkey Kong game and his rival, Billy Mitchell's attempts to keep his score on top. It's also about the culture of competitive retro gaming.

The best thing about this movie is Billy Mitchell, the then current record holder. He's ridiculous, and so arrogant. His USA ties are also great.

Secondly, though, is how good these people are. They develop intense strategies and techniques to boost their score, all under the watchful eye of Twin Galaxies, the referee organization of this world. We talk about excellence all the time in the martial arts. Well here's a handful of people who are the absolute best in the world at what they do. They devote countless hours to it, shaping their lives around this passion.

And there is absolutely not practical value to this skill.

That's what makes me respect these two guys all the more. They're playing Donkey Kong because they want to. They're amazing at it because they decided to be. Mario is the original ubermensch.

nearly made it the whole way

Missed last week, sorry!

So this will be the first year since about 2002 that I'm missing out on the annual kwoon maintenance. I'm disappointed for two reasons. Firstly, this year involves smashing things. I enjoy that.

Secondly is the sense of ownership I get out of helping out. When I'm actually shaping the place I train in it's a nice reminder of the work I've put into it that doesn't show. I've long since realized, especially after moving away, that a school adds a tremendous amount to my training, and silent river especially gives kung fu a home. So I'll miss that reminder this year, but I'll be thinking about what else I'm missing too.

That being said, I hate painting.

this is not the future

So I like terrible things. Especially on the rare occasions I watch tv, it's Jersey Shore or American Gladiators.

I want to describe it as applied nihilism: staring head on into the headlights. This culture is a truck barreling down on me, so I get a giddy thrill seeing how bad it truly is.

Have you seen Snooki from the Jersey Shore? Seen what kind of person she is, or is at least portrayed to be? And how about the guy who has a nickname for himself and his abs (weirdly, it's the same one: 'the situation'). These are ideals I'm up against, a sort of half cocked vomit of the celebrity industry. Thousands of dollars spent on a dress or a hat to be worn once.

PEOPLE LIKE THIS EXIST, AND THEY ARE ALL AROUND YOU.

internet failures

oh man, i have nothing to talk about this week.

sled island this week. hello calgary.
then hello edmonton. yup!

regrettable cooking with graham robertson

Some of the worst decisions are made in broad daylight, simply because you know other people are up to something better.

Take the contents of your fridge. In this case:
half a can of refried beans
some veggie hot dogs
salsa
crackers

Cut up the hot dogs and add them to the beans. Add a little bit too much salsa. Microwave. Garnish with broken up crackers whilst coming the grips with the kind of person you now are.

car mosh

A late post, but worth talking about. This post will be boring/obvious for my friends but hopefully everyone else gets a glimpse into my life.

I went to Rainfest this weekend: a three day long hardcore fest in Seattle. I got to see some bands I'm extremely stoked on and hang out with many cool people. Plus I ate a vegan calzone at Vegan Pizza Pi, which was next level delicious.

Hardcore, as a community (and I'm using that word tentatively) has many problems. The largest being that there are quite a few guys who only like it because they think it's hard and that moshing somehow makes them tough. I am annoyed enough with macho posturing in mainstream culture, I don't need it at shows. There are other issues too.

But by and large, hardcore is full of excellent dudes and ladies. It's not every day you get to see hundreds of people screaming and flailing wildly to incredibly heavy music, then later happily singing along to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song when it comes on the PA.

I got to meet some of my favourite artists not as a fan, but as a peer. They were just people hanging out. Al Brown, vocalist of Dangers, is a man I greatly respect. I love that band and have learned so much from their music. We argued about whether hot drinks are worth it. There is no separation between fan and musician, no barrier of security guards and business. We're all just stoked to be there and that's that.

Some singers of bands called out the crowd on their everyday hypocrisies. Others encouraged us, reminding that this didn't have to be a phase. I saw and met people in their late 30s and 40s who were still playing in bands and keeping to their ideals. It was hundreds of people gathering together because we're angry, because from this music comes catharsis, togetherness and joy.

So keep your Justin Bieber and Nickleback. This music doesn't make money. It's flawed and I often hate it but punk and hardcore is special because it's ours. It's the music of the weirdos and cynics. As Minor Threat played it all those years ago, we're out of step with the world.

It's only music, yes. But it's music worth believing in.

sarcasm much?

According to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, nuclear arms are dangerous to international relations and human existence in general. In short, they're bad and signatories of the treaty agree to disarm.

Oh, unless you're the government of France, China, the UK, Russia or the United States (who also the five permanent members of the UN security council. surprise!). Then it's fine. Really, just hold onto them. Those ~1000 actively deployed nuclear warheads of China or the 5,113 the US has, that's fine. Because we all know that all of those countries are never wrong or wage any horrific, unjust wars.

Also, Israel can apparently just do what it wants, being such a strategic ally of the US. And Pakistan is allowed to test nowadays because it's important to the war in Afghanistan. But if a strategically unimportant nation decides to develop weapons, especially if it's not full of white people, then watch out. That's what the schisms with North Korea and Iran are about. Apparently the evil empires are the ones with nuclear weapons. Even one. But not 5,113--that's a number bristling with freedom.

...

I have heard the justification that we (we apparently being the rich people) need such weapons to maintain the delicate balance of power between less than friendly nations--such as the US and China. But such huge stockpiles are also useful as a deterrent. No one would dare attack those nations while they hold the trump card. As a result, they act as a worldwide protection against others developing nuclear arms. You know what I say to that?



Those five nations have some of the bloodiest and most manipulative records in the last 50 years. They support brutal dictatorships for strategic or business interests, wage proxy wars against each other and, most chillingly, are willing to use said nuclear or atomic weapons, often on civilian targets as in the case of Hiroshima or Nagasaki. This is clearly a case of might makes right. The governments with the biggest guns are trying to rewrite history and shape perceptions that they are somehow the shining white knights. Well, I'm more scared of those five countries than anything Iran can put together.

Oh, and enjoy the 1.03 TRILLION DOLLARS the US is spending on the military this year. I feel the world becoming safer as we speak.

dear abbey has nothing on me, besides syndication...and heteronormativity

You know what annoys me? Well, a lot of things actually.

...

But let's stay focused. There's a tradition in pop culture (especially movies and comics) of the nerdy guy or girl who is in love with the popular, good looking cheerleader/quarterback/whatever. Usual this will take place in a high school, sometimes not. It's everywhere. From Taylor Swift to Spider-Man. Especially in the case of the nerdy guy, ms. pedestal will stick up for him when her jock boyfriend makes fun of him. It's twu luv--all the nerd has to do is gain superpowers, be good at football or get a makeover (in some cases, just taking off her glasses). Well I call shenanigans.

Ok, we all know it's a stupid plot. The outcast has to somehow prove his or her worth in some idiotic contest, treating their crush like some sort of prize. Added to that is in the case of the girl outcast the contest is nearly always getting hot (oh hey, look: misogyny!) and for the boy it usually involves sports. While it's a pretty obvious symptom of the status seeking, patriarchal aspects of our culture, it's hardly alone. Most of pop culture is a monument to those things, after all.

No, my particular beef today is with the nerdy outcasts, speaking as one of your own: why do you want mr or ms. pedestal in the first place?
Usually it's because they're really attractive and show a basic level of kindness towards the protagonist. Oh! My heart is skipping beats as we speak.

First off, while finding someone attractive is important if you want to date them, being good looking doesn't make you a good person. That's such a stupidly obvious statement I feel dumber for writing it. But if so why am I constantly surrounded by messages that say the opposite?

Secondly, liking sports and cars also doesn't make you a good person. We all have varying interests--some more out there than others. Liking all the things most people like isn't a plus in fact it can be a bad thing. Those interests define our personalities, which are kind of a big deal. Guess what, that rich, popular girl/guy isn't going to suddenly like the things you do! And radically changing yourself to fit in with them is just a shade above suicide.

Finally, and this was the hardest won lesson so pay attention: someone being nice doesn't mean they're attracted to you. We always assume the opposite sex have these bizarre mating rituals that we'll never be able to decipher. Put two minutes of thought into it and I bet you can come up with some ideas about what a person does when they want to date you.

So let's all take a look down the hall and into the cubicle of that attractive person who always says hi but you've never had a real conversation with. Who talks about getting drunk and shoes/fantasy football while we might prefer Robert Jordan or gardening. Now let's admit we only like them for their looks and this weird idea that we have to be attracted to them because they spent too much money on their car and seem to have lots of friends around the office. Let's (and I'm saying let's because I need to do this to) take a deep breath and realize that someone who we can have an actual conversation with would be a much better match.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Mean Girls is a good movie.

targeted blocks

"is it surprising that prisons resemble factories, schools, barracks, hospitals, which all resemble prisons?"
-michael foucault

there is something in the air today. oh yes, oh yes there is.

missives

It's so easy to slip into a existence of blank pages.

Get up. Go to work. Come home, snatch at happiness. Go to bed.

repeat until dead.


Creating routines can be both a boost and a trap. That's wage slavery for you.

But I have loud music right now, which always helps. And tomorrow I bring out a little something my parent's brought me when they visited. The three section staff is waiting in my weapons bag for me. I haven't held it since February. It'll be like seeing an old friend.

nothing doing

This has not been a good week for kung fu. I'm distracted and unmotivated. Starting a new job (at an ice cream shop, no less) has given me a bit more structure to my day, but overall I can't get my act together. First thing first is a major cutback on my daily pushups, down to 150. I have rarely managed 500 a day for the past 3 weeks, so I'm so frustratingly behind I just need to get a rhythm back and increase from there. This will most likely mean I don't make my total, but who knows? I've got time, but the consistency matters more than the numbers.

Lately I've been feeling, more so than usual, that I'm just filling in the hours, that everything I do lacks substance. Very little feels real when I'm like this. But words keep their weight. I'll cling to them.

A small reset, because there's always next week.

carry along the black flag

sitting on the couch, listening to henry rollin's 'get in the van'. non communicative but inspired.

today i was at a demonstration that was meant to block a white power march. the nazis never showed, but good vibes nonetheless. i was talking to a distressed hippy who didn't like the aggressive tone to some of the signs, etc. i repeat what i said to him.

i don't like violence, but i do support anger.

i'm such a nerd. and i love it.

Yesterday I went to the Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle. It was an incredible amount of fun. It was just a bunch of people who were stoked on comics, so the vibe was incredibly positive. Almost everyone I met who was extremely friendly and just enjoying themselves--except for a grumpy 8 year old dressed as Iron Man.

There isn't much else to say beyond how much I love comic culture. Most people don't read if they don't have too. But here's an entire subculture devoted to their passion. I saw people of all ages and walks of life united by their enthusiasm. I got to meet a few of my favourite writers and artists, who all put up with my fanboyism. There were ton of people in great costumes. Also, Leonard Nimoy! I don't even like Star Trek and I was excited.

Have some photos:




So Obi-Wan and Magneto walk into a bar...


This was me for most of the day.


Meet my new girlfriends.


Meet my other girlfriend.


This is Lou Ferrigno, who played the Hulk on the tv show from the 70s. He was kind of a jerk.


They'll never take me alive. This was taken with the 501st Legion, a large group of Star Wars fans with high quality costumes. They go to conventions and other events, doing photo ops by donation. All proceeds go to various charities. They were some of the most fun people at the convention--the costumes were mind blowing in quality and detail. Helmet was a weird shape so sorry for the crooked fist.


Good day.

have fun with the theme stuck in your head

I was reading a few articles today on how a video game can be addicting (I'm using that word pretty loosely here) and the choices designers make to encourage that. One especially insightful piece, written by leading game designer Erin Hoffman, puts the issue in perspective by saying

"Addiction is not about what you DO, but what you DON'T DO because of the replacement of the addictive behavior"

hmmm.

It's true to an extent. I've happily spent an hour or two playing Tetris because what I was supposed to be doing was boring enough that I sought a diversion. Plus, as others have pointed out, the sense of accomplishment we so crave is immediate and often in video games. It's an extension of the Skinner Box--mice pushing levers to get pellets. I play video games not only because they're fun, but they are also stimulated a very important but very stupid part of my brain, which I'm not receiving (or at least not often enough) from the activity I'm avoiding.

Instead of working against our addictive tendencies when it comes to the martial arts (or whatever), it's a lot easier if we harness them. While the two criteria I mentioned above--engagement and fulfillment--aren't the whole story, they are really important for holding interest. So the strategy for staying motivated is to realize that you're stupid. Now settle down, don't get all offended. I'm stupid too.

We like clear problems that when solved lead to direct, tangible results, and we like those results to happen fast. In Tetris I'm presented with a easy to understand situation. I need to flip the shapes around to make rows. Bam. There you go. The task is hard enough to be interesting, but not so difficult or complicated that I get discouraged. Most importantly, I am constantly taking action and seeing fast results. Rows are disappearing quite often, which is a nice, tangible result for my actions. I can point to the result and say "I did that".

You're probably rolling your eyes and saying "if only my life was so easy". Well it can be! All you need to do (broken record alert) is break it down. Set small, clear goals that you can accomplish in days or weeks, not months or years. The 200,000 pushups I'm doing is a great example. Thats a massive number. If I thought of that in those terms I would go back to Tetris. But I see it as 500 a day. Which is still a lot. So I see it as a few sets. When I complete one set, I tick it off mentally. When I complete a day, I get to tick it off on my spreadsheet. That makes it real. I can point to my spreadsheet of daily tics or my mounting numbers on physout and get a real sense of satisfaction from it.

So I've realized to make it simple, straightforward and rewarding. It may never be as fun as Tetris, but it'll be just as easy to start and just as impossible to stop.